The Struggling Mind

The Bad Cat Trifecta

2008-06-04T15:34:00.015-04:00

I love my cat, I really do. It is hard not to, most of the time. He has this adorable under-bite (something that is more common in dogs than cats) that causes him to drool a little every now and again and his tongue will occasionally stick out a little when he sleeps. Cute no? He is absolutely fascinated by shadows moving in bright light to the point one has to wonder just how low his IQ level is. He also is a total sweetheart, who loves to snuggle and will start purring just because the dogs are outside and he is alone with his humans for a change. However, he has his moments, last week he hit all three of his bad cat highlights in one day.

Buddy is a little special, and I do mean that in the shortbus kind of way. He apparently, according to the vet, gets stressed out easily and when he does his bladder lets loose on the sofa...only the sofa. This stress issue of his has lead to a major stress issue for me. Nice of him to share isn't it?

In my old apartment I used to have a futon for this reason. It was easy to wash the covering and bleach the living daylights out of the mattress, and when that failed to rid the odor, the mattress was cheap and easy to replace. When I moved into my house I quickly learned a new trick, one that has enabled me to feel bold enough to get a grown up couch. When we go to bed, we pile all kinds of stuff on the sofa and loveseat so that the kitty cannot find any open space to perch on much less relieve his bladder on . It has worked successfully for quite a few years.

It is annoying because it means I keep a small amount of clutter in my living room just for this purpose and I have to religiously stack the sofas every evening and unstack them again every morning. But it sure beats the alternative.

Anyhow, my boyfriend has been bonding with Buddy more and more lately. Which is good, he used to go on and on about how he loathed cats, to which he was told again and again "tough nuggies, love me, love my furballs." This is also bad because it has lead to him trusting my little orange hairbag, something I have learned the folly of the hard way, years ago. He had a successful day with him a few weeks back. He got up before me and the dogs. He cleared off the sofas early and went into the library to do some work on the computer. Leaving the cat unattended with the sofas. Bad move, right? Nothing happened. When I woke up and saw the cat perched on the big sofa looking like the prince of Egypt...I was told that my anxiety was all for naught. Silly him.

So he repeated the same scenario this past week thinking, all so misguidedly, that Buddy was just misunderstood and needed to be given a chance to prove he has gotten over his issues. Again, silly him. Sure enough not a minute after I woke up and saw the cat on the sofa all unattended-like, there was a puddle for me to clean up, oh joy. Cleaning cat pee off the sofa, just the way to greet the morning.

After the cushions were properly stripped of their covers and placed in the washing machine to soak in hot water with a smidgen of bleach, and the sofa base dowsed with vinegar (if it is fresh, the vinegar will neutralize the urine smell, it actually works...if it is really fresh) we turned to look for the cat. He was on the throw rug in the kitchen, waiting for his audience. No sooner then he saw both sets of our eyes glued to him, he proceeded to yak up on the rug. A rug that I had just washed the day before. He then ran from the kitchen into the bathroom as I cleaned up his kitty food vomit. When I was done with that little chore, I found him in the shower next to a pile of his poop. Lovely no?

He had apparently been competing in the Bad Cat Trifecta. I know this is not a real competition but if it was, I am sure Buddy would have received a medal, nothing less than a silver.

Did I mention this was all before we could even start the morning coffee brewing? Needless to say kitty spent the rest of the morning in the basement, near his cat litter pans (yes, he has two of them just for his own personal use). I still love the little oddball and so believe it or not does Tom (I saw him snuggling with the cat before he went to work that day). However, Tom has learned an important life lesson for living with Buddy. He may look innocent and he may seem harmless but do not ever take your eyes off of him when the sofas are uncovered.

Ah, the Fresh Aroma of Insomnia

2008-05-13T06:49:00.006-04:00

So here it is, morning, and I am fully awake. I know some of you out there (if there is anyone out there, reading this blog that is, I know there are people, out, there...I think) are morning people, so this is not an issue. I am not one of those people and never have been. My boyfriend had to change from second shift to first shift in order to receive training on the new project he is assigned to. I, his dependable alarm clock, have been getting up at 5:30 a.m. to make sure he does not fall back to sleep (and to make sure a decent pot of coffee gets brewed). Normally I can fall back to sleep, but not today.

So here I am off work, no school, 4 hours of sleep and I am awake for the duration. Further more, I feel wide awake (hence the fact that every other word I type does not need editing...just every sixth or seventh, like normal). Something is way wrong with the universe. Just thought you should know.

The End is Near!

2008-05-06T14:08:00.006-04:00

Two down, one to go. It is finals week at HACC, a week that lives in ambiguity. I anticipate it on the one hand and loathe it on the other, and there is no in-between ground to anchor my emotions to.I love the fact that finals symbolize a completion of a cycle. It gives a finality to your studies and allows you to have a clear sense of closure and accomplishment. These things give me joy, especially this semester.

I have been begging for the end of this semester since Spring Break. This in itself is loaded with all kinds of contrary emotions and logic. Contradictions R' Us. But that is a whole other can of worms to be dissected in a later blog (psst, check back Friday).

I loathe the anxiety and the sudden feeling of being rushed that comes with tests. I hate that you rarely find out how well you performed on the final test, though some teachers are very sympathetic to this plight and make themselves available for some form of communication with their students after the completion of the term. I love those types of teachers, and to be honest, I have not ran into one yet that shot down a request for follow up information from a student. Oh, that is not quite true, I just remembered one math teacher (pre-algebra, shut-up, twenty years is a long time to kill off precious brain cells...mine were the math ones), who saw the last class as the last chance for interaction, but even he made sure to grade the tests right there so any student patient enough would be able to see how they scored.

Mostly I hate the anxiety. The build up to test day is just an intense little pre-practice for my mind to plan the best way to sabotage me. Yes, it is out to get me! I swear...a fact that can only mean one of two things; I either need to be medicated or I am seriously screwed because I am my own worse enemy. Medication probably could not hurt in either case...nah, costs too much and then I will need medicine to counteract the side effects of my medication, which will cause other side effects that will require shifting around to other medications as the doctor tries to see how I will react to a new drug fresh off the pharmaceutical show floor...but I digress.

Yes, I definitely hate the anxiety the most. Your heart is beating erratically, your mind races, and try as you might, you can not focus on the task at hand because you are obsessing over the task to come...and then suddenly there it is, the exam is right in front of you. Your hand cramps because you are convulsively gripping the pen and your mind threatens to go blank as you read the questions. Suddenly, you find you are done and all that stress, all that worry was for naught because the teacher really did mean it when she said not to worry the test will not be that hard. As euphoria gripes your battered synapses, you stave it off by berating yourself from allowing yourself to stress over it in the first place, ruining a beautiful natural high.

*SIGH*

well that is were I am at right now. I guess I will just have to go and seek a less organic elevation of my emotions...it comes in a beautiful can, which, chilled to the right temperature can induce its own special rapture...

Tah! (or more appropriately, Prost!)

Bridal Registry Zombies Coming to a Linens 'n Things Near You!

2008-04-12T22:24:00.010-04:00

I just got home from shopping. I have to go to a bridal shower tomorrow. *gah* I really loathe these things. I used to complain about having to always work weekends and never being able to make plans because of this fact, but now I realize, it used to save my butt from this kinda nonsense. It is for my boyfriend's baby sister so I guess I can suck it up for an hour or two, she is really nice (I just know there is going to be stupid games and no alcohol to help numb the pain).

It was nuts in the store they were registered at. All (and I do mean ALL, not one set of shoppers did not have the big ass blue lists with them, not a one!) the people shopping were walking around with bridal registry papers looking dazed, just mechanically filling up their baskets with whatever the paper told them to. Creepy.

I admit, I maybe a little anti-social, but these things are torture. What sadist decided they were necessary and what fool thinks they are fun? The only brightside is that the bride is the main target. Hey, nice or not, I rather she be the one wearing the silly ribbon veil instead of me. Survival 101 ;)

German-Welsh or Just Plain Vanilla?

2008-04-05T23:12:00.004-04:00

**This was a paper I wrote for Sociology class, it really makes you wonder about how you think of yourself and how you think others percieve you. It is a good writing exercise.**

I have never had to ponder my racial identity. I am Caucasian. As I was growing up it was pointed out to me in various ways that I am in fact white. Neighborhood kids calling me names like Casper or Albino left no doubt in their wake. The sun itself helped drone it into my consciousness on a daily basis. When you can not be out in direct sunlight for more than 15 minutes without a sun-block with a minimum of SPF 30 protection, you stop kidding yourself that you will ever get a decent tan.

The shade of my skin or more precisely the lack there of, is just the first criteria for me identifying as white. It is the most prevalent physical trait that stands out but it is not the only trait. When people look at me, they may see just plain vanilla, a person of the Caucasian racial category, but I see more. I see beyond my pale skin tone, after the glare dies down, and see a heritage. A heritage that is both awe inspiring and terrifying all at the same time. I see my German ancestry stamped on my face and in my build. My thick bone structure and my stout figure (we are going with stout and leave it there), my little bulb of a nose and my high check bones which appear to be almost flat. These are the features that say I am more than just a racial profile. They are physical traits that attach a culture to my skin tone.

In this area German ancestry is predominate, so it is easy to categorize my physical traits at a glance. I am not sure if it would be as easy if I were in California or Minnesota to distinguish my ethnic background. For many people it becomes harder to distinguish what European origin a person may come from when the group is not the population in majority.

What is not readily seen is my other ethnic background, Welsh. My only genetic tie to that side of the family are my hazel eyes, and they are not a trait that is exclusive to the people of Wales. Yet, I am proud of them and my association with my Welsh ancestors just as much as I am of my German ones. I have a bond and an affinity for both cultures’ mythology and history. This supports the fact that an ethnic association is not just a physical sharing of genetic traits, but is more a psychological association from sharing a culture.

My family, like many families, told stories about those who were no longer able to be among us whenever the family congregated together. So from early on I learned how the Kramers and Razingers came over on the same boat from the old country sometime after the first Great War. My grandfather’s parents met on that boat and were married shortly after arriving in America. I heard the story of how my great grandmother Evans would boast of her side of the family being able to trace their linage all the way back to Welsh indentured servants who lived in Delaware during the 1600s. I learned how she felt my grandfather, a German and a Catholic was beneath her daughter, who was Welsh on both sides and a Lutheran.

I heard how she would terrorize my father and my uncles, telling them that their Catholic friends and relatives were Satan worshippers and would all burn in hell. I also heard how her husband’s side of the family disowned him for marrying a woman from a family that was beneath them. Apparently the Lambornes of Chester County thought they were a little more special than the Evanses and their ability to trace their genealogy back to indentured servants. As I got older, I was told the less favorable stories. My family’s history of alcoholism, drug addiction, racism, physical abuse, violence and other assorted criminal activities was past on to me along with the romantic tales of our European origins.

When asked about my heritage, I will proudly say I am German and Welsh, though to be honest the German heritage is the predominant one, both in physical traits and in cultural traditions. The way I speak will clue people into my Pennsylvanian Dutch influences, no one butchers grammar quite the way we do. The food I was brought up eating would be another clue to a stranger of what my heritage might be. These are all non-physical traits that are shared by those of a German ethnic background in Pennsylvania but are not limited to them in their influence. Anyone growing up in Lancaster County knows what a Shoe fly pie is and they know what someone means when they say to "outen the lights." Yet these are characteristics that are linked to a white ethnic background because their origins stem from the German immigrants. I have friends who also have German ancestry but yet, they do not think of themselves as white. So is skin tone the only defining difference? Does it have to be defined at all? And will we ever come up with answers to these questions?

When I was married my last name was changed from my recognizably German surname to one also easily recognized as coming from an identifiable ethnic background, it was Rivera. My ex husband was born in Vega Alta, Puerto Rico and has a common Spanish last name. This surname coupled with my first name, Andrea, which is popular female name in Latin America, made my ethnic background look different on paper than it does in my physical form. I saw this reflected constantly on the faces of other people.

When my name was read off of a piece of paper, people would try to give it a Spanish accent. When I showed up to claim the name in person, they would look at me and then double check their paper, more often than not they would repronouce my name Ri-vi-era with a confused and questioning tone. My Hispanic looking name and my Caucasian appearance confused them and made them feel like they had to reevaluate their standards of categorizing others. I found myself being blatantly asked, "your not Spanish are you?"

This was asked by complete strangers who would actually look relieved when I told them, "no, I am not." This experience more than any other made me understand just how often we label other people and try to fit them into little boxes. It also showed me in clear terms how I appear to others, just another white girl, easily defined. Alternatively, Hispanic co-workers opened up to me more after they found out my name. I was included in their jokes and welcomed to eat lunch with them, however, when it came to something they did not want to share with me, they simply switched to Spanish. I learned that I was only allowed a certain amount of inclusion. After all, I was not really one of them so they thought I would not understand everything about their culture. Again, I found I was easily defined and forgotten about. My own definition does not end where other people’s stop. I am more than a stereotypical white woman. My heritage does mean something to me. It is the foundation of who I am, but it is not the whole structure, that would be constructed out of other life experiences.

In this world proclaiming pride in your heritage makes other people nervous. This is not without cause, too many times people have mistaken their right to care and remember their heritage as a right to make someone else feel theirs is inferior. I have learned to be careful in my research for mythology and historical facts from my ethnic background. Too often a naive search can lead into the lair of someone with less honest intentions, Neo-Nazis have become very skilled at crafting an innocent looking web of deceit to fuel their racial purity campaigns.

They are not the only ones; too often people of my national background will make assumptions that I share their views since I share their culture and will say things that can only be described as ignorant. I have never felt superior because of my skin color or my ethnic culture. They are just small things that help shape who we are. The important things that can make someone better than another lies in their actions, not their genetics, my family’s history has taught me the foolishness of thinking otherwise. I feel it is important to preserve cultural traditions, the language, the stories, the music and the art that is associated with a piece of the past. It serves as a good reminder of where we came from and how far we have come, and how far we have yet to go.

A Tale of Woe: The Death of a Coffee-Maker

2008-03-30T16:51:00.007-04:00

Yesterday morning started out as any other ordinary morning.

I woke up around 9:30 am. I left the dogs out to bark at the neighbors for no apparent reason as they peed on everything in sight. I then trundled off into the kitchen (read as: I dragged my groggy ass into the area I believed the kitchen is located as I cussed the very existence of the sun, and anything else that got in my way). I ground the coffee beans, measured out the proper amount into the filter and filled the water tank to the precise height to make the magical brew. I pushed the little button that sets the conjuring of the magical machine's ritual and then waddled my weary bottom into the library to flop down in front of the computer to find out what I missed in the world while I slumbered (read as: slobbered and drooled on myself in my mini-coma I call sleep).

I was in the middle of putting spell check through its morning exercise routine, when it dawned on me that it was quiet, too quiet. The morning was devoid of any gurgling and burbling noises that accompany my little friend the coffee wizard. I tried to remember if I hit the start button but could not tell if my memory was from this morning or a hundred other mornings. I sucked in my breath at the thought of having to wait another ten to fifteen minutes more for my caffeine fix and rushed all wild eyed into the kitchen to see if I had hit the start button or not.

There is was, with its red light glowing like a beacon of hope, but no coffee in the pot. Not a drop. Nada. Zilch. Nut-ting.

As the horror set in I grabbed the machine and checked the reservoir to make sure it was seated correctly, even as my mind was processing the fact that the pump motor was not even attempting to do its job.

I hit the on/off button repeatedly with no change in the outcome. As my panic mounted I shook the machine and thought of punching it. I quickly discarded the violent thoughts of abuse, deciding that the machine was too small and would break apart before my anguish was fully vetted on its poor hapless form.

I was now in full panic mode so I woke my boyfriend up. I did not think he would be able to do anything to the machine that I had not, but if I had to suffer so must he; such are the joys of being in a long-term relationship.

We both knew what must be done, and slid into our trusty sweats and fumbled around looking for the car keys as we side-blocked the dogs from making the great escape out the kitchen door. We drove the half mile (walking seemed to slow for our need) to the local Turkey Hill (that is a convenience store primarily located in South Western Pennsylvania, they put crack in their tea, just ask any local). There we saw the holy grail before us and it was good (read: some crappy black sludge that in its inferior quality will do the trick when one is desperate enough for a fix, that is what we get for being coffee junkies in need).

This story does have a happy ending. After a day filled with dashed hopes and bad traffic (read as: Obama tickets were all gone before I got a chance to even get over to headquarters and people were out in force as they acted like we had a long hard winter and this was the first day of spring). We managed to get a new coffee-maker. A nice shiny new model that doesn't show the wear of years that comes from having loving fingers desperately hit the on button day in and day out.

Ah, the dawn of a bright new day (or for those who know me well, the dawn of a bright new afternoon). It is good to have the balance restored.

Spring Break at an End

2008-03-24T13:24:00.013-04:00

When I was younger, and not in college myself, I used to wonder why there was such a thing as Spring Break. After all it seemed that college students had the life. They were able to enjoy an extended version of their childhood and they were not doing any manual labor, so why would they need a break from the little bit of responsibilities that they did have?

Silly me.

It is funny how life will change your perspective. I now understand the mental fatigue that accompanies the many research papers and studying for tests. Not to mention also the strain from constantly challenging your perception of how things are or should be...well, perceived. I also no longer labor under the impression that all, or even a majority of college students have a free ride courtesy of mommy and daddy. Perhaps in some Universities this maybe true, but at the community college level most people are working their way through school on their own steam (and often with the impending high interest rate of their student loans hanging over their head when they finish).

I now know and understand the need for a Spring Break, and I now appreciate it in all its glory. Thank you to the person(s) who orchestrated this. I do not care how or why you decided it was best to start this tradition; I am just enjoying the results.

Unfortunately my break is now over. Tomorrow ushers in the start of round two for the spring semester. I have not touched a book nor have a done any real studying on any topics vaguely related to the courses I am taking this semester for close to a full week. I did start slowly reintegrating my course work back into my daily routine this past weekend, but trust me not with any great effort exerted (and the results reflect that fact greatly). So I must now muster up some hidden store of resolve and drag myself out of the massive rut I have been happily wallowing in this past week (alas, there will be no Law and Order SVU or CSI for me today).

...and yes, today's blog was just another way of putting off the inevitable. What can I say, procrastination takes skills :P

Spring Cleaning

2008-03-20T14:31:00.008-04:00

*Blows off heavy layer of dust*...I have been contemplating whether I should just close this blog down or keep it going. It has long been neglected, and I often feel that I do not have anything profound to say. However, it was started as an exercise to improve my writing skills, something that often shows a need for further improvement. So, I have decided to keep it going and will start regularly posting random thoughts and any other nonsense that sprouts in my mind (if it comes out before it has time to form fully in my mind does it still count as a thought?).

Consider this a warning.

Ah, How Time Flies

2007-08-19T12:16:00.002-04:00

I have not posted in awhile, neglect? Probably, at least in part, I honestly have not had anything relevant pop into my little head for quite sometime. I know, from reading my previous posts you are probably thinking "well that never stopped you before". You would be right . However, it does seem that my mind took the summer off. I hope it enjoyed it's vacation, lord knows I could use one.

So what have I been doing in all my free time, you ask (or not, but I am going to tell you anyway). Well working is the obvious answer, looking for a new job is another answer (an unsuccessful endeavor, but one that I will continue to pursue). I have also found an excellent place to volunteer. Shuts Environmental Library, it is located in the gorgeous setting of Lancaster county park. for more information about this small satellite library you can go here: http://www.co.lancaster.pa.us/parks/cwp/view.asp?a=3&Q=561620&parksNav=

Yesterday was my first day there. It was a beautiful day outside; sunny with a soft wind blowing. All I can say is that it was a peaceful day. It was perfect. The other volunteers are really nice and friendly, as are the naturalists that work there. I have a good feeling that I will enjoy this opportunity very much.

I had searched long and hard for a perfect place to perform community service to fulfill some requirements for my membership in Phi Theta Kappa. For those who may not know, PTK is the international honor society for two year colleges. After you are all done laughing at the thought of me belonging to an honor society, I will explain more on what this actually entails.

Obviously it means I must maintain a GPA of 3.5 or higher, but it states that being a member in good standing requires me to earn at least 20 points per semester. I can do this in several ways, I can attend meetings (2 pts for each one that I show up at), I could sell and incredible amount of useless junk at our fundraisers (1 pt for every $20, I don't think I need to explain further why this is not the best option for me), or by service; either by volunteering in the chapter itself, or in my community. I chose community service for many reasons not the least of which is I just get a kick out of doing community service that was not court ordered.

I went through several options, discarded some and was not able to find out enough information on others. I was just getting truly discouraged when I came across Shuts' webpage and saw the link for volunteer opportunities. It was perfect, in location (8 miles form my home), time (3 hours minimum per month, only on Saturdays) and in the type of work, I want to be a librarian and here was an opportunity to work in one. Strange at how things work out, isn't it?

I had just found out about the existence of Shuts Environmental Library two months ago. My summer course in Environmental Science took us to the county park for a field trip, the library was a minor stop at the end of the day. It is located next to the barn that houses the environmental center. Coincidences such as this often happen to me, I will find out something new and a week or two later others will be talking about it, or it will be in the news. It is occurrences of this nature that plays to the romantic in me and reaffirms my belief in fate.

Well, with saying that it leaves me with only one way to end this post...
Namasté

Feeling Hypocritical

2007-06-19T15:03:00.002-04:00

I saw a commercial the other day for Visa Check card. It showed a bevy of people surrounded by a swirling multitude of color, rushing around a garden center buying beautiful flowers. There were colorful, vibrant birds singing and flying overhead. The overall feeling of this bustling scene was happy people enjoying spending money on pretty things to add temporary joy to their busy, over-productive lives.

Suddenly a woman steps up to the counter and starts to write a check, yep a check. You know the old fashion piece of paper that we used to carry around with us instead of cold hard cash. This antiquated piece of paper would require two forms of ID to verify they were yours to write and would eventually lead to you using good old fashion math skills to balance your checkbook to make sure you did not over spend your meager funds (OK, my funds were always meager). This happy, busy, colorful world comes to a crashing halt immediately. The color bleeds away from this world and people glare at the woman who has dared to delay them from their instant gratification. The next person in line pulls out their Visa Check card and instantly the color pops back into the world and the birds begin singing their happy little songs.

The message that this commercial sends out to us had me a little disgruntled. Hurry up; do not dare to hold others back or you will be shunned. Grab a piece of plastic that will make life so much easier since you will easily lose track of what you are actually spending. We want you to have another degree of separation from your money, thusly making it easier for us to make your money ours.

Nope do not like that message at all.

I think we should rail against the forces telling us to hurry up and be busy little worker bees. I think we should take more time to slow down and enjoy life. Buying things will only temporarily fill the whole, the void in our lives that we create by not fulfilling the requirements of our souls.

Before I began to rail against the system on this topic I had to take a step back and realize one thing. I was being a hypocrite. Yep, that is right a big, fat, old hypocrite. I would have been the first person in line to roll my eyes at the woman as she took forever to write out her check. Patience is not a virtue of mine and I have had far to many bad scenarios behind someone with a checkbook that could barely spell their own name, much less know how to spell out the actual amount of money on the proper line. Further eye rolling from me would ensue as they had to troll through their purses for the proper identification card that they should have had ready while waiting in line. So yes I am a hypocrite. For I am all for someone in front of me to have to hurry up, and I do try my best not to hold up a line by having everything in hand before getting to the counter, I however, do not like to be told to hurry up by a business solely designed to take my hard earned cash away from me.

Somewhere along the way, I will have to make a choice. Either I go along with the other robots or I find the inner strength to apply patience to these situations. I was not born with patience, nor have I spent a lot of time cultivating it with in myself. Perhaps that is the garden I should grow. The one I should mentally cultivate and allow beautiful things to permanently take root in my soul. If I can do that, perhaps I will no longer feel the need to fill the void with temporary material things...

my checking account is not holding it’s breathe.

The Semester is Finally Over!!!

2007-05-15T15:26:00.002-04:00

This past semester seemed as if it would drag on till the end of time, yet at the same time it felt as if we did not have enough time to get all of the material the courses required covered. This cast a very odd feeling over everything. I was not the only one feeling this way, several other classmates and teachers have expressed the same feeling permeating their other courses too. No matter, the last day of finals was held yesterday and I now have a week to sleep in and catch up on my housework before the summer semester begins. Guess which one I will do first (and most often).

I found out yesterday that I was exempt from my last final due to having perfect attendance. She also based it on having a high grade and having turned in all of our course work on time, it was her reward to those of us who showed we cared enough to put in the effort all semester long. I am very glad I fought my urges to bag class on more than one occasion :).

I have an extensive TBR pile and will cut this short so that I may attack it with a vengeance. I did manage to read Charlaine Harris's latest Sookie Stackhouse book already. I will just sum it up as another good book in a series of good books. The more Sookie gets drawn into Vampire politics the darker the series gets, yet Charlaine still manages to keep the light humorous feel to the books. Thank You Ms. Harris for another enjoyable read. I am currently reading a book by a newer author (she already has two books out but is still a new author)Vickie Pettersson. Her first book is titled "Scent of Shadows", the second book is titled "The Taste of Night." I am only a few chapters in on the first one so it is too early for me to decide, she did receive good recommendations from several people who are reliable critics so I have hopes that I can expect a good read to unfold before me. Well that is all for now...

Gardasil: A Fight Against Cancer or More Money in Merck's Pockets?

2007-04-01T03:45:00.003-04:00

Ever since last June, advertisements in print and on television have shown us young women displaying empowerment by declaring “I will be one less”. It sends a message of empowerment to girls who want to be in control of their destinies. It is a good advertisement campaign. It makes other young women want the same feeling of being in charge of themselves and being one less victim. It certainly is a positive message, if ever there was one. With this positive missive however, come many questions. What are they seeking to protect themselves from? What will empower them to “be one less?” Most importantly, why are some people against something that helps promote such a noble cause?

The first two questions are easily answered; the third is a bit trickier. The vaccine protects young women and girls from four types of the Human Papillomavirus (HPV). HPV types 16 and 18 cause up to 70 percent of cervical cancer. According to Merck’s webpage, the vaccine prevents both of those types and HPV types 6 and 11, which cause genital warts (Merck). HPV is a sexually transmitted disease that is spread by skin to skin contact. The vaccine given to girls and young women between the ages of nine to twenty six, is the first ever vaccine to be credited with preventing a form of cancer. This is certainly a breakthrough to be well touted. Why than are some people up in arms over this vaccine?

Why indeed, legislators in at least ten, and possibly as many as twenty, states have taken steps to make this vaccine mandatory to all girls from eleven and up to be vaccinated before being able to go to public school. This has caused many parents to sit up and cry foul. Though many parents are opposed to the mandatory vaccine, they do not all oppose it for the same reasons. Some protest the government for taking away parental control. Others fear that vaccinating their daughters against a sexually transmitted disease will give them a false sense of security and promote promiscuity. A third group has raised concerns over the newness of the vaccination and worry about adverse side effects that have yet to rear their ugly heads.

It is true that a mandatory vaccine does take away the parental right of choice. The fact is all mandatory vaccines that are given to children, such as the ones for the measles, polio, and spinal meningitis take away the parents choice. The difference is that those are for life threatening diseases that are air borne or easily contracted without the active action of the victim, where as HPV is a sexually transmitted disease. In an article for The Weekly Standard, Robert Zavoski, a physician and president of the Connecticut chapter of the American Academy of Pediatrics was quoted as stating:

Vaccines previously mandated for universal use are those which protect the
public’s health against agents easily communicated, responsible for epidemics, or
causing significant morbidity or mortality among those passively exposed to the
illness…HPV is not an agent of this sort. (qtd. in Fumento 1)

This statement cuts to the quick of many parents concerns for the mandating of this vaccine as opposed to any other vaccine that they already give their child. HPV is a sexually transmitted disease. This forces many parents to confront the fact that someday their little girl, who has not even reached puberty yet, will eventually have sex. It is easy to understand why many parents, not just the ultra religious conservatives, are uncomfortable with this topic. To paraphrase what Denise Grady wrote in her article titled “A Vital Discussion Clouded”, most people assume STDs are only caught by those who are promiscuous. It is not a label most parents want to apply to their child (Grady 1).

In this country we tend to scoff at those who assert that giving a vaccination against a STD will influence their daughters to be sexually active and not save themselves for marriage. However, Michael Fumento makes a good point when he wrote that “…you are sending them a message. In fact you are sending their male peers a message. And it is one that conflicts with the message that sexual activity is best left to people who are more mature” (Fumento 2). Everything that the children are exposed to sends them a message, whether it is explicit or implicit. Children watch their parents’ reaction to hard topics and formulate their opinions based on what they see or hear. It is how they learn, in fact it is probably one of the biggest ways parents influence their children, whether they realize it or not. This is not giving parents the permission to stick their heads in the sand; in fact it should inspire them to seek out more information. Still some will argue that abstinence is the key to preventing this potentially harmful disease.

It has been proven time and time again wishing away a problem will not make it disappear. The children of today will grow up and most will likely engage in sexual activity before they are married. In an article she wrote for Prevention magazine, Fran Smith gives a compelling argument for why parents should consider getting their prepubescent daughters vaccinated against this STD. To paraphrase her statement, HPV is an easily spread disease, one that is spread through any genital skin to skin contact, not just intercourse (Smith 1). All the experts agree on the point that to be truly effective the vaccination should be given before a woman is sexually active, for many, the preteen years are the best opportunity to ensure this. A parent can preach abstinence all they like. They can raise their child with strict moral codes reinforced by their chosen religion but as Denise Grady wrote in her article for The New York Times “Abstinence until marriage can prevent HPV infection, but is sure to work only if both spouses are virgins and remain monogamous forever” (Grady 2). In Grady’s article, Dr. Koutsky brings up another harsh point to for parents to consider, rape (2). She is right; one can not guarantee
their daughter will not be a victim of a violent crime. Why should that crime potentially
cost her life?

This brings up another question, how likely is it that HPV will cost a woman her life? In the United States 4,000 deaths a year are attributed to Cervical Cancer. What many people overlook when talking about the benefits of Gardasil, is the fact that while it protects against two forms of HPV that are attributed with causing up to 70 percent of cervical cancer, that leaves 30 percent unaccounted for. Many experts, including Merck themselves, are very clear in stating that yearly pap smears are still needed. In fact here in the States the push for women to get yearly examines is credited with the steady decline of cervical cancer. Beth Herskovits writes that according to the American Cancer Society “the US death rate from cervical cancer has been steadily declining at about 4 percent each year…and has experienced an overall drop of 74 percent between 1955 and 1992 (Herskovits 4).

4,000 deaths, to the friends and families of those that were lost it probably does not seem like a small number. In comparison to the 240,000 deaths from cervical cancer worldwide, it does not seem that staggering. In fact many of those deaths could have been prevented by those women getting tested regularly. Herskovits goes on to write that “80 percent of cervical cancer is diagnosed in developing countries” (3). Many are developing nations that do not have access to quality medical care; countries that do not have the education systems in place to teach women the importance of these tests. America is neither of those things, why than has our government been pushing to make this brand-new vaccine mandatory?

The answer to that may seem overly simplified in the end but it has many factors that should be looked at before coming to a conclusion. Our legislators are saying it is only from their concern for our welfare. Some are coming forward and expressing their heartfelt desire that other women should not have to suffer as they did themselves because of this often silent disease. Debbie Halvorson is one such politician. She is the Democratic majority leader of Illinois State Senate; she is also a victim of HPV. The senator had to have a hysterectomy due to the Human Papillomavirus; it is not hard to understand why she would back a bill to make the vaccine mandatory (Pollack Saul 2). Senator Perry from Texas also stands firm that he is only acting in the best interest for the women of his state, even after it has been made very public his administration has received funds from Merck themselves. The legislators also back up their new found cause by stating that even though the vaccine will be mandatory, parents will always have a chance to opt out (Frosch). Why than with all the good intentions are people still
skeptical?

There is a saying that goes something like “if you want to get to the bottom of a problem, you should follow the money.” This certainly seems to be true in this case. It has been made widely known that Merck has lobbied hard to have legislators push for mandatory vaccination of school aged girls. This is not unusual for big business to lobby our legislators to persuade them to support bills that are in favor of the company. What has many up in arms is that Merck was very aggressive in this part of their campaign, even before they had FDA approval. They contributed upwards of 21,000 dollars to Governor Perry of Texas, but they have contributing heavily to Women in Government in exchange for them backing many laws that will benefit Merck, such as the mandatory vaccines and also the requirement of private insurance companies and Medicaid to pay for the costs of these mandatory shots (Fumento 3). The revelation of Merck’s lobbying has proven almost detrimental to their purpose. The fact that they have stopped all lobbying efforts since this became public knowledge could be seen as speaking volumes for their true intentions.

At 120 dollars a shot, with a course of 3 shots needed, it is obvious that Merck stands to make a tidy sum on this revolutionary shot. It is not hard for skeptics to believe this is the true intention of the company. To make a cash cow out of a preventative for a STD that could cause a form of cancer. To add fuel to the skeptics’ fire, it should also be noted that Merck are not the only pharmaceutical company with a vaccine for HPV. GlaxoSmithKline submitting its version of HPV vaccine to the FDA this year called Cervarix (Fumento 3). Speed would seem to be of the essence for Merck to make a profit. The pharmaceutical giant has targeted the United States and the richer European companies since that is plainly where the money is located.

Not hard to understand that strategy. They are also working with the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation to get lower priced vaccines to girls who would not otherwise receive it (Herskovits 3). Almost seems noble, it does not erase the fact that the lobbying for mandatory vaccines for school age girls was the company’s way of answering their problem of how to get the girls, potential clients, to the doctors. Merck has launched one of the biggest campaigns for this vaccine. In many ways they needed a big winner, not just for the cash but to help redeem them in the eyes of the public after their withdrawal of Vioxx a few years ago (4). Our government’s officials have also show a lack of foresight by seeming to place the best interest of a pharmaceutical company over or rights as citizens. Whether that was their intention or not, that is the impression they have left millions of voters with.

The waters run deep, they are also extremely muddied. Americans have spoken up and hopefully our government and the major pharmaceutical companies listened. We are not ready for a mandatory vaccination for STD, which has barely been tested, to be issued to our children. Whether one can support a parent’s motivation for wanting a choice in their child’s welfare, one must concede they deserve the respect of being given that choice. Is that not the very thing that makes America great, even in the darkest of times, the ability to be free and make our own choices? Our government may have had the best intentions for being so quick on the gun, after all it is not everyday one is presented a package that claims to prevent a cancer, but we all know that old saying…the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Works Cited

Grady, Denise. “A Vital Discussion, Clouded.” The New York Times 6 Mar. 2007(late Edition, East Coast): F5.

Frosch, Dan. “Texas House Rejects Order By Governor On Vaccines.” The New York Times 14 Mar. 2007 (Late Edition, East Coast): A14.

Fumento, Michael. “A Merck-y Business.” The Weekly Standard. 12 Mar 2007. 17 Mar 2007

Herskovits, Beth. “Brand of the Year.” Pharmaceutical Executive. Feb 2007. 15 Mar 2007

Merck. Gardasil Homepage. 1 Apr. 2007

Pollack, Andrew, and Stephanie Saul. The New York Times on the web. 21 Feb. 2007.
15 Mar. 2007

Smith, Fran. “The Shot that Fights Cancer.” Prevention. Oct 2006. 15 March 2007

*** This is yet another of my English Composition papers. I will be leaving this one up since I feel that the issue is an important one and the resources are good for those who want to seek a little more information into the muddy waters of our government's ahndholding policies with Big Business.

Opinions Wanted...Okay, Needed.

2007-03-13T16:05:00.001-04:00

Help, I am hopelessly frustrated with this piece!

Thank you all, that offered suggestions to help improve my writing skills (and more importantly my editing skills ;) )

I have deleted the essay. It has served its purpose and does not need to stay around for all eternity. I have discovered a wonderful section in my English Comp hand book that covers editing for grammar. I had not even thought to look there for help with my more rampant violations. I thought it was just to help with essay formats and citation of resources. *shrugs*
Should have known I had help sitting right on my desk under a pile of other resource books.

Book of the Week

2007-02-05T18:53:00.001-05:00

This is actually getting to be more like book of the every now and then. I am swamped with reading assignments for my English Composition class. These reading assignments leave me always asking the same question; how do these people suck all the joy out of reading? I also have a lot of reading to do for my mythology class. They almost manage to make it painful but luckily I enjoy the subject so much I can bear through the discomfort for the author’s painfully dull commentary. This does not leave me with ample time to read for the pure joy of reading. Notice the earlier comment of sucking all joy out of reading, I am not exaggerating some of the authors in my English Comp book must have no sense of humor what so ever. Oh that's right; most of them are self proclaimed feminists. Silly, silly me.

Anyhow, I did manage to squeeze in Patricia Briggs' newest book called Blood Bound. It is the sequel to Moon Called (which was an excellent read). I am glad I threw caution (and my English Comp book) to the wind for a day. It was even better then Moon Called and I like Moon Called, a lot. Blood Bound picks up a few months after the first book left off.

Mercy has been contacted by Stefan the vampire to assist him. Mercy owes him a favor and since she actually considers Stefan a friend (despite the fact that he is a vamp and everyone knows vamps are evil) she gives in and helps him. She ends up in the middle of a vampire power play gone wrong and is spilling over into the mundane world. The werewolves try and capture the evil this power play has unleashed on the Tri-Cities with disastrous results. Leaving only little old Mercy to try and save her friends.

Along the way Mercy realizes how much her little family of friends mean to her, even Stephan and she also learns a lot more about vampire life then she ever wanted. She also learns a little more about herself then she ever bargained for.I like the characters and the world that Mrs. Briggs has created for her Mercy series. I really like that the Werewolves, while not being super cuddly are not the barbaric Neanderthals of the paranormal world that they often get typecast as. Patricia Briggs brings a depth to their culture that is believable and scary all at the same time. And how could anyone not like Zee the large German gremlin.

These are two books that I highly recommend for a good weekend of curling up in some warm jammies, with a big down comforter and reading. Did I mention it is eight below with the wind chill today...well enough procrastination it is off to the comforter for me and my lovely oh so unendearing English Comp book...

A Tale of Creation

2007-01-26T16:24:00.001-05:00

Today we will hear a tale of creation. It is not THE tale of creation but it is A tale of creation. It comes to us from the Icelandic people and has been retold many of times in many ways. Today I will tell it in the way that I presented it to my World Mythology class.

A long time ago, Odin the Allfather knew many things. He knew his children would be many and they would dwell in the north. He also foretold of a day when they would need more land. It is with this purpose in mind he approached the Goddess Gefjon, a Goddess of virtue and fertility, and asked her to go into Midgard, the realm of man, to find new countries for his people.

Gefjon quickly agreed. Before leaving Asgard, the dwelling place of the Gods, she disguised herself. So that she might Travel through the land of men with ease.

In Sweden there was a ruler who was well renowned for his wisdom. His name was Gelfi. King Gelfi's wisdom did not just come from knowledge, which he did have, but it also came from his ability to give as well as receive. There came a day when King Gelfi happened upon a beggar woman. True to his nature he gave her shelter within his very own hall. The beggar woman was overwhelmed by Gylfi's kindness, she wanted to repay him in some way. Not having much to give, she gave the only thing she could. She told King Gylfi stories.

She filled many hours with tales of the Gods. She retold the adventures of the great heroes from the sagas. Her skill as a storyteller was such that King Gylfi laughed and he cried along with the sagas. When she was done, King Gylfi told her that for her wonderful gift of stories, she would be given a ploughland. He went on to say that she would be given as much land as her and a team of four oxen could plough in a day and a night. What King Gylfi did not know was that the beggar woman was no ordinary beggar woman but was indeed the Goddess Gefjon.

Upon hearing the King's promise Gefjon hurried into Jutonhiem, the realm of the Giants. Where she retrieved four giant oxen. They were no ordinary oxen though. Indeed they were Gefjon's sons. Her offspring from a Giant that she transformed into Oxen. So it was that Gefjon brought her sons (the oxen) into Sweden, to the spot of land King Gylfi had marked out for her. There she harnessed the oxen to the plow. Then Gefjon and her team set to the task at hand.

The massive oxen did to heave, and they did to pull. They did to strain and they did to struggle. They did to heave some more and they did to pull some more. Their might was such that they dug so hard and deep into the earth, they loosened a huge chunk of land and drug it off into the west sea; where it formed an isle. Where the land was cleaved from the earth, sea water quickly filled it in; creating a lake.

When King Glyfi came to check the progress of the beggar woman and her massive oxen, he was astonished to see that where there used to be land, there was now a lake and where there used to be nothing but sea was now an island. Glyfi did not let himself be awestruck for too long, being true to his word he told Gefjon that the island was hers to keep. She named it Sealand (or Zealand as it is now spelled). King Gylfi being the wise man that he was, knew on that day not only did he give but he also received. For where the land used to be was a lake large enough to sail upon and fish, he named it Logrinn.

Gefjon dwelled many years on the Isle of Sealand. She would later go on to marry Skjold, the son of Odin, who would become the first King of Denmark. As for wise King Gylfi, he would go on to have more dealing with the Gods of Asgard. Mainly Odin the Allfather himself, but that is a tale for another day.

*** sources used were Norse Mythology: Great stories from the Eddas by Hamilton Wright Mabie
http://www.integrativespirituality.org/postnuke/html/index.php?module=Static_Docs&func=view&f=Books/LegendsandSagas/Heimskringla/02ynglga.htm

There is one other web page that I used at first, I can not find the link at the moment, I will cite it when i have more time...
I did surf the web extensively but most of the stories said the same thing almost word for word so these were my main sources used when I compiled my version.

Tales from the North

2007-01-20T14:05:00.001-05:00

My current project that I am working on is for my World Mythology class (whohoo, I love this class). I am looking for a Myth to tell the class in the oral storytelling manner. We have to do it at sometime in class before May. It is our choice as to when but it must be a myth that goes along with the type of myths we are studying at the time. Such as Creation, hero, goddess or destruction, etc...

We are currently on Creation Myths. I want to get this assignment over and done with as soon as possible. I am not overly fond of talking in front of people and as I learned in speech class last semester, I do my best if I approach it like a band-aid. Rip it off fast without thinking about it too much. The plan is to find a creation myth, preferably of Germanic or Norse (really almost the same thing but there are subtle differences) origin. I wanted to tell the tale of Maani and Sol and how they ended up guiding the chariots of the moon and sun...but I just came across a tale of Gefion and how she created the Isle of Sealand (also spelled Zealand, which is the Isle Copenhagen is located on). So now I am faced with a decision, and anyone that knows me knows how hard it is to make up my mind when faced with a decision. I will be weighing the pros and cons, back and forth all day (or days, depending).

I do have to say though as far as having to think about and research the subjects this is definitely my favorite class thus far. If I could parlay this into a viable source of income I would major in Mythology in a heartbeat. Sure some folks have, and I thank them but I have doubts of my ability to add anything special to the mix so can not justify spending the tuition fees to study something that is just of interest to me and not a career choice. At least not right now...maybe I will one day be able to go and receive a second masters, in which case I am so there...

Books That I Have Read Over Break

2007-01-09T15:53:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow starts the spring semester. It also is the end to my frivolous reading spree. I promised to post a list last week but was a little overwhelmed with having to say goodbye to a member of my family and a good neighbor all in the beginning of the year. Suffice it to say they were both good men. My Uncle was only 63 but had lived a full life none the less. Roy, my feisty octogenarian neighbor, was a one of a kind. He will be missed by many but at 24 days shy of his 89th birthday; I believe he was ready to meet up with his wife again.

Now onto the frivolous reading list...

First up were two books by Emily Giffin. Something about winter-okay it is still in the fifties around here with no sign of winter weather near so allow me to rephrase that... Something about the months following the holidays leaves me a little mentally burnt out. This year I found this to be true after the fall semester ended. My little grey matter was done with any useful information, it wanted a break, an escape from thinking too hard (and boy is thinking hard). My normal January glut on chic lit was moved up to mid December. What can I say, I like happy endings.

The Something Borrowed book and it sequel (more like sister book than sequel) fit this nicely. Excellent character development and a good story line that takes you through the life of a good girl who has to come to terms with the fact that she not only covets her best friends fiancée but she has already slept with him. However will she be able to do the right thing and be the good friend and bridesmaid at the wedding of the man she loves and the woman who was like the sister she never had. It helps Rachel’s cause that Darcy, her best friend, is someone most of us love to hate.

Something Blue picks up Darcy's story right around the same time as the big climax of Something Borrowed. You will love to hate Darcy, I promise. You will revile in her getting her just deserves. You will also root for her by the end and be attached to her as she goes through an awakening and becomes the person she should have been all those years ago. Sometimes motherhood really does change someone and in Darcy's case this proves true. As for the happy ending, Ms Giffin ties it up nicely for all characters in both books at the end of Something Blue.

I started Hester Browne’s "Little Lady Agency" but put it down for something else and have not picked it up again. I am mostly done but really the ending is just too obvious so I don't know if I will bother. It is not to say it is bad, you will like the main character Melissa, and you will like her quirky friends and love her feisty Grandma. The leading man, eh not so much but you can understand why Melissa would like him. I think I was just done with my chic lit spree.

So enters Susanna Clarke's "The Ladies of Grace Adieu". I loved this book, not just for it's binding, which is beautiful and original. It is very reminiscent of old faire tales. Ms Clarke has the voice and in some stories even the spelling down of old English tales. I especially like her version of... oh, I won't tell you. Half the fun is figuring out which faire tale she is telling and seeing how her version is just a bit different from the one you may have heard as a child.

Well this is very long indeed and I still have eight more books to go…next time we’ll talk of Laurell K Hamilton’s Mistral’s Kiss and Meg Cabot’s Heather Well’s series and her Mediator series. Porn, Mystery and a YA Paranormal series, wow I do have eclectic taste…

There are Good People in this World

2007-01-04T23:58:00.002-05:00

I am often guilty of having a negative outlook. On my job, on the state of our world…well on everything but mostly on my fellow human beings.

Tonight I had to go to my Uncle’s Memorial service. My family is not close and quite frankly some of them are big contributing factors to my negative opinion of other humans.

Okay I am side tracking, back to the point, good people exist…

In order to go to my Uncle's funeral and not have my mother berate me about my attire, I would need a new pair of dress pants (yeah old ones do not fit). Naturally I waited until an hour and half before the service to trudge off to the mall on my mission of finding decent dress pants that do not make my butt look fat (ha, like it matters cause...well it is fat, hence the old pair not fitting). I finally find a pair and have just enough time to change into them at the store and make it to the service (punctuality is not a family trait, but still an attempt should be made). I realized I would need a belt to go with the pants (big butt equals gap in the waist) so I threw my bags on the counter and purchased one quickly.

I then grabbed everything and trudged as fast as I could to my car in 4 inch heeled boots. I took off my jacket since I was a bit warm from the exertion of trying to walk fast but still look like I knew how to walk in 4 inch heeled boots. I hightailed it out of the mall parking lot and made excellent time to the funeral home in the city. Once there I reached for my purse but could not readily find it, I assumed it fell down alongside of the seat. I tend to take corners fast, this kinda thing happens often. I did not need it in the funeral home so I told myself I would look for it afterwards. Which is what I did after the family reunion, er, I mean my Uncle's Memorial service.

It was not there, matter of fact it was not anywhere in the car or my shopping bag. I drove home and called the store, the last place I had a definite memory of having it, only to be told that no purse was left there. I then had a flash of me taking off my jacket and switching bags from hand to hand to do so before I got in the car. Could I have dropped my purse in the parking lot and never realize it? Apparently, yes I could. I called mall security but no one turned in a purse and the gentleman on duty was there all night so he would have known.

So with a bad feeling, I drove back out to the mall and trolled the parking lot. No little red purse. I still had a glimmer of hope that a Good Samaritan would turn it in to security so I checked with them and the store one last time. No luck. As I walked back out to the car I looked one more time around the parking lot, but still no little red purse. I had no choice but to give up and drive home with thoughts of some punk kid in pants 8 times too big for his scrawny wanna be gangsta ass finding it and picking up only to discover nothing of use to him in it, thusly chucking it out of his tinted window of his lowered Honda. As I drove out of the parking lot I said aloud "people suck".

My mind preoccupied with thoughts of persuading Campus Security to give me a new id without having to pay for it, I drove home. Only to have my faith in humanity restored, for upon my door handle was a plastic shopping bag with my (much ran over) little red purse inside. Some kind, considerate woman had found it under a big SUV in the parking lot and located my drivers license. She drove to my home and upon hearing my dogs and not seeing any cars she took it to my neighbors house. How incredibly sweet and selfless of her. luckily my neighbor had the mind to get her phone number so that I could call her and thank her for her act of kindness.

I am what I call a pessimistic optimist. Meaning I always have hope while realistically planning for the worst outcome. Often it is the pessimistic side that is justified so it is always nice to have the optimistic side come out on top. So thank you to the woman who humbled me by doing a good deed.

Let's Party Like its 2007

2007-01-01T21:42:00.001-05:00

...wait, that's not how the song goes...

Well I just want to say Happy New Year. I can not believe it is already 2007. I remember when I was in the second grade; we talked about the year 2000 like it was a date so far into the future that it seemed unreal. We all had to figure out what age we would be in the year 2000. My age came out to 29 (yep it was an accurate calculation, alright it was simple addition but hey I was only 7). Now we are 7 years beyond that, god I am getting old. Anyhow I hope 2007 is kinder to all of us then 2006, may we all find an unexpected blessing this year.

Now I am going to nap off my pork and sauerkraut...

Tomorrow I will tell you all about the books I have been reading over break, promise.

**This was also posted on my space page http://myspace.com/andyk29

Not Much to Say

2006-12-28T13:24:00.002-05:00

The Holidays are almost over. Normally I get a little depressed right about now. I attribute it to the anti-climatic feeling that washes over me on Christmas day. However, this year I am not experiencing that at all. Matter of fact I still have a happy, almost peaceful feel about me (which is really weird since I have to actually go back to work today, blah).

The holiday this year was; dare I say perfect ... well as close to it as the holidays will ever come. We did most of our shopping online, so there was no jostling around a bunch of frustrated people who have no clue where they are going or what they are looking for. There was only two times in a shopping mall parking lot, witnessing the instant drop in IQ points most humans seem to suffer once they set foot on the tarmac. We did not have to run around on Christmas Eve at all (a first in history for both of us). Christmas morning we were able to get up at a decent hour without having to force ourselves out of bed at a disgustingly evil early time to accommodate our relatives schedules. We made it to everyone's houses without stressing and had a completely enjoyable time.

My Niece and Nephew (my brother’s two offspring) were ill; they were actually very pleasant to be around. I know that sounds horrible but they are very attention demanding and have no sense of how to conduct a bearable level of noise when around others. Tom's Niece and Nephews were also in good form. His mother had us play some games that might sound corny to others but were very amusing, well we were laughing our asses off anyhow.

All in all this has to go down in the books as one of my better Christmas experiences. I hope many others can say the same and I hope everyone has a safe and Happy New Year. Remember there is no shame in having a designated driver, only shame in not having one. Be safe.

What I did Today

2006-12-06T20:51:00.001-05:00

I had a curious start to my day. All right my day was already in progress but it had a weird turn of events. I was in math class learning a bit about statistics (which will be of importance to my final next week, luckily I had a brief encounter with the subject already). Anyhow, me being a five year old in a 35 year old body had already distracted the class by suddenly announcing it was flurrying. The teacher had just gotten us back on track (yep, a class of adult students is more easily distracted then a kindergarten class on a sugar high) when one of my class mates announced that a security guard was at the door (I was still watching the other window). I instantly knew he was there for me, I don't know why but I just knew.

Sure enough, he asked for me and when I went out in the hall he gave me a message from my boyfriend that Donnelley had called and cancelled work that day (imagine my joy, me being all set to hear something heartbreaking and urgent). This sounded odd to me.

Naturally, as soon as class was finished I went straight to the phone to verify. I no longer have a cell phone. I cut cost a while back so I could afford to work a little less (yeah I only do about 40-50 hours a week now). Even more naturally the damn pay phone ate my 50 cents. I had to run out to my car and back, just to place a call to work. Good thing I persevered too, I was going to give up and get to class on time instead, silly me. I found out that PP&L (our local electric company) had called to shut down the plant ... but only until 8 pm. I had an unexpected 4 hours with nothing to do (sure I could have studied my probability chapter again, but well ...)

So this is what I did instead. I surfed my space for bands. Here are some of the bands I found today ...

TYR a band from the Faroe Islands
http://www.myspace.com/tyr1

Corvus Corax, a German band that played a the Pennsylvania Renn Faire two seasons ago
http://www.myspace.com/spielleute

and another German band named Faun. They are very good, I believe I will be trying to slip their Cd purchases in among the Christmas bills. There is another German bands that I am also going to add to that list one is Winterdome
http://www.myspace.com/winterdome

well that is all for now, I must go back to work (1 more hour, yay)

*** this was originally published on my myspace blog ( a blog I almost never use) but I feel these bands are that good and deserve to have their names spread around via many different avenues to hopefully reach as many potential fans as may be possible, so go and check out their links or google them

Books, Books and More Books

2006-12-03T12:50:00.001-05:00

I love books. I start to panic at the thought of finishing the book I am reading and not having a new one to start right after (can we say obsessive behavior).

While I have been in school obviously i have had less time to spend on frivolous reading but over Thanksgiving break I managed to squeeze in four books (I ended up with a four day weekend and it was beautiful).

The first was by new author Faith Hunter titled "Bloodring". It is set in a near future of post apocalyptic Earth. Seraphs have come to earth and delivered the plagues and wiped out three quarters of the Earth's population, but the world has not ended. Mages are those who can work what is called creation magic, they are able to twist the excess energy leftover from the time of creation. They are feared by humans and kept in enclaves, both for their safety and as a prison by those who use their abilities to profit. Thorn is the only mage that lives outside of an enclave, she is unlicensed and in hiding from those who would put her back into an enclave where she would surely go mad. So masquerading as a human she has set up shop as a jeweler, with human partners. Her ex husband goes missing and the hand of the law shows up at her door threatening the home Thorn has made for herself and the family she has unknowingly gathered to her.

It was interesting, certainly unique look at a Earth we could easily create for ourselves, sans Seraphs and their punishments. It does cover human reaction very well and I have a fondness for stories set in Appalachia, however Ms Hunter's writing style left a bit to be wanting, in the beginning.

It took a few chapters to bond to the story. While her writing came off frantic her storyline took a bit to build, it was a little odd, but a good story into itself and I liked her characters, they stayed true to how she set them up. All in all a good book and worth checking out Ms. Hunters second book, after all this was just her first ever so it will be nice to see if the frantic-ness was just from needing to immerse her audience into a world she was creating.

Her mixture of magic and scripture was unique and well played out, and her actions scenes could leave you breathless trying to catch up. She is a new Author worthy of being noted.

The next one was an ARC of Kim Harrison's latest(or soon to be latest)installment in the Rachel Morgan series, titled For a Few Demons More. A kind and awesome friend who lives in LA shared her good fortune (getting her hands on an ARC) with a few of us that met and became friends on a yahoo group for MS Kim called the Hollows.

I will not give out any spoilers what so ever, but I will say this was the book I had been waiting for since Every which way but dead. Fistful of Charms was a decent book but it left me annoyed with some of the main characters and I don't know ... wanting a faster resolution to their growing problems (and not the type of resolution a few of Ms Harrison's more rabid, romance based fans want). It was all a part of our evil authors well laid plot so I had patience and was greatly rewarded with a darker offering. If you have not checked out Kim Harrison's writings, do so it will make your weekend (you will stay up all night to read them all, I guarantee)

The other two books were by Michelle Rowen. They were titled "Bitten and Smitten" and "Angel with attitude". I read both in a 24 hour period. They are witty, fun and her characters will endear you, yes even the demons. They were exactly what I was looking for at the time.What can I say every now and then a girl needs a happy ending. Well it is off to school I go, hi ho...

How Do I Hate My Job, Let Me Count the Ways

2006-11-18T07:57:00.001-05:00

... okay we don't have that kind of time.

I will not blather on about my horrendous job, I promise. We will just leave it as I have manged to survive another 12 hours of pure misery and I am home now with a definite concept of what hell will be like...at least for those of you who will be there. I on the other hand must have signed up for the pre-pay ticket, so send me a postcard...all right that will be enough of that.

Let's talk about some happy things ... okay I am stumped but I will give it a try.

Beer, okay I smiled at that one, so it can not be bad. However beer and blogs are probably not a good mixture. It is 5 am and I just left said pre-paid ticket land and I am having my medicine/reward for not completely going ballistic on the...okay we will interrupt that thought right there and get back to happy thoughts. *Breathe in* Breathe out*

Okay here is another one. I did very well on my informative speech. I tossed back and forth between topics. I just wavered around unable to commit to an idea and finally I looked at my precious baby girl, Gia, and bam the little light bulb kicked in (yeah it is definitely a 25 watter) Irish Wolfhounds. Not only is it a topic that I love but I had all the resources at my fingers already. Now my beautiful girl is only half Irish Wolfhound (she is mixed with something else that is both very talkative and extremely hairy, we think it is Otterhound but that would be an extremely rare match). I have been fascinated by this breed for years, though I did not fall in love with them totally until I met Gia. Now it is hopeless, I am a fan of this breed.

I am both fascinated and scared of them. Let me explain that. I am drawn to them but yet I know that they have earned the nickname the "heartbreak breed" for a reason. Their average life expectancy is only 6 to 8 years. They are plagued with heart conditions and cancers, as well as joint conditions. This is not a big surprise since they are the world's tallest breed of dog. However to find a animal that is so loyal, loving and majestic only to lose them in a few years after watching them go from puppy to suffering in nano seconds, is just ... well heartbreaking.

They have also earned the nickname "Gentle Giant". They are very good with children (though no child should be left alone, unsupervised with a dog, much less a large dog. It is not fair to the dog) they mostly get along with other animals but one has to know their animal before making this assumption. After all they are a sight hound and as such they were breed to chase things that run, it is what they do. I can guarantee that having one of those on your ass when you are less than a foot tall will not be good for your life expectancy.

I approached the subject of their history as well as their place in myth and legend. Their history is amazing but the fact that they were so respected for their skill and their nature that they earned a place in myth and their feats were recorded as legend, is incredible. What truly caught me by surprise was that they inspired so many bards to right verses on them. Even the Norse had tales of the Cu Faoil of Ireland in some of their sagas.

Here is a verse that is said to have been written by Ossain, he was a 3rd century bard that was supposedly the son of Finn Mac Cool. Finn was the legendary leader of the Fianna. He had many a fine hound but had two special ones that traveled every where with him. (I will find their names again and include them her, one was Bran but I can not remember the females name). So to find a verse on wolfhounds from the son of a Irish legend whose myth cycle contained tales of these fine animals, seemed more than appropriate for my opening.

"Eye of sloe, with ear set low
with horses breast, with depth of chest
with breadth of loin, and curve of groin
and nape set far behind the head-
Such were the dog's that Fingal bred"

Another quote that I found on them is referenced in the coat of arms for Ireland's kings. "Gentle when stroked, fierce when provoked" I found this at http://www.irishcultureandcustoms.com/AEmblem/Wolfhound.html

I have heard that saying before but never knew it was about my big fuzzy babies. I will leave you with one more saying that truly sums up these magnificent beast ... "And all their manners do confess that courage dwells in gentleness" this is from an unknown source but like I said it is very appropriate for these awe inspiring creatures.

There now I found my happy place. Good night.

The Neglect Will End...or Not

2006-11-14T19:30:00.001-05:00

I could bore you with the usual bull about being busy, and while it is true (it does seem like everything comes due at the same time in school, much like bills), it is not the only reason for being negligent of updates. The number one reason for this week is lack of inspiration. I am just not a drastically imaginative person. Oh yes, I have my moments of eye searing brightness, then we have a black out of the neurons (transmitters, or what ever the pathways of thought are called).

As I have read many others thoughts on the subject of overcoming a mental block, I found most give much to the process know as freewriting. Since this is really all I do, with exception of a paper that I have to turn in for a grade, I really have no excuse to not jabber about something on this site. It is not like my every thought word or deed needs to be magnificent in it's creation (boy if it were, I would so be screwed). I have another reason for the procrastination (there are always more excuses) my typing skills as of late have been tragically an abomination of the very skill I dare say I attempt to mimic. I have never been good at typing, but my limited skills have seriously atrophied this past week. I must say a word of thanks to all who have had to try and decipher anything that I may have sent them via email, chat or post. Your suffering has been proof of friendship, thank you. I vow to improve, or at least use spell check more often ...

Books that I have read lately ... I highly recommend the Temeraire series by Naomi Novik. Delightful does not cover Temeraire and the other dragons well enough. Ms Novik's books are about the Napoleonic wars with a twist. Dragons were used as an aerial corp. Not only is this an interesting enough twist, she has wonderfully developed characters both draconian and human. I literally cried at one part (I won't tell you where or why, you will have to read them to find out). I bore the ridicule for this well (oh but don't worry I believe strongly in paybacks) for it is a testimony of an authors ability (no not my hormonal imbalance, like my boyfriend loves to insinuate for every emotion I have and he does not understand) to make you empathize with the plight of their characters. Anyhow, this is an excellently written series of books that I would recommend for ages 13 and up (rare that I find a book I can recommend for below the 18 group as well). The titles of the three that are currently out are, in reading order, His Majesty's Dragon, Throne of Jade, and Black Powder War.

I Can Not Sleep...

2006-11-01T05:44:00.001-05:00

Here it is again, yet another night that I can not sleep. I can not read a book because I can' t even focus on the storyline to follow. Forget studying, I have read and reread a chapter in my education book several times and only have a small concept of what I actually read, but hey don' stress I only have a test on it Friday (well that and 4 other chapters for which my notes now look like Egyptian hieroglyphics). I worked all night on my speech outline, I just have to finish my works cited page and it will be ready to turn in on Thursday. I tried studying math but it has all gone fuzzy in my head and trying to recall geometry formulas (simple ones for volume and area) now seem like it would require the assistance of a psychic.

All this and my boyfriend is mad at me too, gosh the fun just never ends does it. Someone hit my vehicle as I was driving (slowly) in the schools parking lot, he was backing out of a parking space (very jerkily),I saw him and stopped a good distance away in the lane but he suddenly hit the gas and hit my bumper. No damage was done to my vehicle, a small dent was in his back bumper but quickly realized it was his fault and I was not going to press any issues since there was no damage to my property so he happily went his way.

All was not bad in my day, I enjoyed a day off of work and was able to be home for the trick or treaters. We do not get many on my street and most are older kids (10-14), but I get a kick out of them. we get a few more this year than last so it was all in all a fun two hours.

Well happy Samhain to everyone ...

There is a Saying...

2006-10-21T05:02:00.001-04:00

And it goes something like "if you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything. This is pretty much the reason I have not updated this blog lately. I couldn't trust myself to not spew forth great rivers of venom, only to drown in the bad karma I create for myself everytime I open my mouth (or type a message, email, post or blog).

The reason for my concern? Well, people who have no reason to be breeding are ... and they just do not see why they should not be breeding, ever. I see the reasons clearly and I see children who were born to people like this very often. I just can not grasp how selfish people can be when it comes to producing a new life. So enraptured with their own wants, needs and vices, they think nothing of the quality of life for their child to be. Anyhow lets just leave it with saying stupid people breed, therefore others must suffer (and no this is not even a tenth of the stuff that has been spewing forth from my mouth lately on this subject).

Onward to happier (or at least less volatile subjects), I gave my presentation for my Education class today and did very well. I was a little worried, I had to give a 5 minute "mini class" on the topic of my term paper. My topic is the growth of homeschooling and the possible ways it may effect our public education system. Don't worry, this is not the title of the paper, merely its topic. The reason for my worry was not over whether I would be prepared with enough information, because as a librarian wannabe I can do some mean research. Matter of fact I love to do research. The problem was my indecision on what to add and how to gracefully not include some of my other points in my paper and still have it seem cohesive.

My 5 to 7 page paper has morphed into a gigundous, blathering monster of verbiage. My main points are who homeschools and why, the pros and cons of homeschooling and the possible economic ramifications to the public school system. I am halfway done writing it and it is already 5 pages, not even double spaced yet. Needless to say I need to do some serious editing of this monster paper.

I have managed to find time to read some books for fun. I just finished up a trio, from Shirley Damsgaard. The titles are "Witch Way to Murder","Charmed to death", and The Trouble With Witches". They are mysteries starring a 30 something librarian named Ophelia, who happens to be a psychic and a witch, with much reluctantance for her gifts. She comes from a long line of Appalachian wise women, one of whom is her beloved and fiesty grandmother, Abby. Together with her Grandmother guiding her she stumbles onto some mysteries that need their help solving. They were fun, I like the characters, not overly angsty nor too maryjanish. Ms. Damsgaard does a fine job of throwing some twists and red herrings into the path of the plot. I will definitely go and get the next one in the series. Well it is 3 am and my inner pumpkin just nudged me. Goodnight

Men are Wonderful Creatures

2006-10-01T10:06:00.001-04:00

They really are. My boyfriend is a perfect example, most of the time. This weekend in particular. Not only did he put a lot of thought into my birthday presents, though he says he didn't. He says he just listened to me, which is pretty wonderful in and of itself, and bought what he knew I would like. He also is working very hard on his weekend off to put a roof on our house. He worked from 7 am to 9 pm yesterday with only two short breaks for nourishment. Today he is up early and getting ready to go back up there to finish as soon as the sun dries the paper (it was inevitable that it would rain at some point on the weekend that we decided to rip our roof off). So he will get the hero-worship that he is deserving of, well at least for a week or two.

Well this is going to be a short blog, today. I am going to do the amazing and actually work in my garden. I have not done that for literally more than a minute or two since July. The weeds have over run my lilies, and my Russian Sage needs to be put in a better spot then they are currently inhabiting. So off I go to transplant and weed. It is a wonderful fall morning for it too, all that and I have the motivation to do it, the world is surely going to end soon.

Before I go let me tell you about the books I bought Friday. My boyfriend, the afore mentioned roofing hero, in addition to the other wonderful birthday presents, bought me a gift certificate to Borders. For anyone that knows me (or read any previous blogs) I have had to seriously cut back on my books, for lack of time and money. I was like a starving person at a buffet. In less than five minutes (and no, this is not an exaggeration) I had eight books and two magazines in my grubby little hands and was in line to complete the process of making them mine (I was able to make myself put a few down or it would have been more than just eight). Anyhow, The one I went in knowing I was going to get was Charlaine Harris's newest offering, "Grave Surprise". This is the second book in the Harper Connelly series. Her Harper books are a little darker then her Southern Vampire series. I really am enjoying it. I am half way through already. Harper was struck by lightening as a teenager and one of the unexpected side effects is that she can now locate the bodies of the dead. She also has some physical effects from the accident but does not let them keep her down much. Together with her stepbrother Tolliver, she travels around the country locating the missing who are dead for a living. You can see the possibilities for potential trouble this leaves open for her. Charlaine has delivered yet another witty, intriguing, mystery once again. Well so much for a short blog. I had better go before I lose my newfound motivation. Tah ...

Weekends Off

2006-09-24T14:20:00.001-04:00

Weekends Off are a wonderful thing, however they go by way too fast. This feeling is not helped by my sleeping in to almost noon, but it felt good. Of course it would have felt better if my boyfriend had the coffee already made by the time I woke up, but I guess we can't have everything (he claims he only woke up 20 minutes before me, likely story)

Another thing that did not help my weekend feel like it actually was two full days, was the awful hangover I had yesterday. It was awful, I know I already stated that but I can not stress it enough. I felt so bad that even commercials for alcoholic beverages were making me dry heave. I had planned on doing a lot of work on my next speech, a speech of tribute. Since my topic for this speech of tribute is Oktoberfest, I found I just could not muster up the appropriate amount of enthusiasm for the subject. So that means today will be filled with homework and laundry. These plans may seem very dull, but I assure you I will enjoy them greatly since I do not have to go to work. It is a beautiful feeling.

Well my coffee is finally done now, so I will be going and enjoying every last drop of that. Days off are a tremendous thing.

I started blogging about the books I have recently read on my very first blog. This is something I had plans of doing for every blog, but have failed to do. The reason for this is not that I have forgotten to include them but that I have underestimated how much free reading time I would actually have now that I am in school. If I have a good day I might have time to read something in the newspaper but I just do not have enough time to donate to reading a novel. This is good for my bank account but it took me a bit of time to adjust to the concept myself.

That all being said I did manage to get in a quick book a few weeks ago, and it was good. Lilith Saintcrow is now ensconced on my list of authors who I will look for. Her latest novel "Dead Man Rising", her latest installment of the Dante Valentine series, was excellent. I read the first one on recommendation from several people and was not disappointed. The second one was even better, in my opinion. I have not read any of her other works but when I have time and money I will check them out. Dante's universe is labeled as Cyberpunk, Dante herself has a very dark and troubled past and her life is further complicated by the devil calling on her to do a job for him in the first book, titled "Working for the Devil". In the second one her horrible past comes back to haunt her and she is the only one that can stop it. I highly recommend Lilith to anyone who is looking for something different from their normal reads.

Is Quitting a Job Like Getting Out of a Bad Relationship?

2006-09-16T07:45:00.001-04:00

At one point or another we have all had a relationship so horrendous, we knew it needed to end but did not know how to end it ... You don't want to have a bad reputation afterwards so you secretly hope it will end on its own, or you daydream about being a coward and emailing in the death stroke. I have a similar problem but my "bad relationship" is with my job, not my boyfriend of three years. He is wonderful and without getting too mushy here, I will say that I love him very much and am very thankful that he has been my friend through many rough spots in my life.

I have been with the same company for almost ten years. I started out as a seasonal worker, meaning I was not meant to be there this long ...

When I first started, I really liked the people there. We worked long hours and we worked hard but we had fun along the way. Then the hiring practices changed, the dependability of coworkers decreased rapidly. Likeability of coworkers decreased almost as fast, enabling morale and attitudes to plummet to new lows.

They say a smile is contagious, well a bad attitude is faster spreading then a freakin' smile any day of the miserable week. Add to all this misery, ever changing policies, decreasing benefits and inconsistent managerial interpretation of those ever changing policies, and you have my nightmare from hell that I call a paycheck provider.

I do get paid well and have had recognition (yep, in a monetary way) of my strong work ethic and good overall job performance. However, I am constantly rewarded for my excellent work by being over worked, under crewed, constantly called on to do the job others had made FUBAR out of and forced into job responsibilities I was not trained for. I am not the only one this happens to, there are others but we are always the same people this happens to each and everytime, while the lazy and stupid are rewarded for their ineptitude, daily.

The problem is not identifying that my job now sucks. The first clues to that were having an anxiety attack, something that has not happened in the eight years since I was divorced and an addition of a daily mantra "I don't want to go" which is intermingled with "my job sucks" comments. The problem is that I do not know how to extricate myself, gracefully, from this job and still pay my mortgage. I do not want to jump into a new job with the same problems. I do not want to go from one horrible job to another just to pay the bills (but yet they do need paid), I want to find the "One".

I have just started getting an education after years of indecision, because I recognized that you can only say "I hate my job" so many times before doing something about it. Now I fear I will not make it to my 10 year anniversary (which is November 1st) much less stick it out until I earn at least my bachelors.

There is no couples counseling for when you and your job just do not see eye to eye anymore. So for now, since finances are a major issue (just like in most bad relationships) I will take big deep breaths and try not to gather all my personal stuff as I utter those two words I long to scream, "I Quit".

The Balance of an Emotional Seesaw

2006-09-10T05:38:00.001-04:00

Well most weeks are usually a even keel. All in one day I will have some things to laugh over, some things to get upset over and a lot of things to shrug at, but no real high or low points. So at the end of a week it all averages out. It may sound boring but it is not as blah as it sounds. The emotions do get a workout but not at heart stopping rates.

On Thursday I had my first math test of the semester and directly afterwards I was to give my first speech in my Speech 101 class. I was certain I was going to be a burnout after both events and had warned my operator at work that I would probably be mentally worthless that day (as opposed to any other day, haha). Now in all fairness to the situation I did volunteer to go first with my speech, knowing that I would be coming in right after taking a test, a math one at that (I am certain that the braincells I just spent 20 years killing off were the math ones). My thought process on that was to treat my speech like a band-aid, just rip it off and then you are done so fast you don't even have time to think of the discomfort as the adhesive pulls hairs, skin and some of whatever it was covering off with it. Sound logic to me.

Now I must tell you that I am a very shy person by nature, backwards shy at times. I turn beat red in a blink of an eye and as my mind comprehends that I just turned beat red, I will do the impossible and turn even redder. Seriously, I look like a big blood vessel that is ready to burst, not a pretty sight at all.

Wednesday came and I studied some math(I studied a little all week) and I practiced my speech (over and over again). My anxiety level peaked and I was sure that even though I knew the math I was going to be tested on, I would make stupid mistakes all over the place and fail it miserably. I also could not get my speech to time in at the same time twice. It was only a 2 minute speech but I went over and under time only once getting it exact. I also kept stumbling over words, simple words like reflective and Maryland. So I was sure that I would breath too much and blow my time. Go figure, I couldn't sleep so I needed an Ambien. When I woke up I was filled with an eerie sense of confidence and happiness. The polar opposite of the night before.

I feel that I did well on the test, I won't know for sure until Tuesday (I hate waiting) but even if I missed a few, I have earned some extra points on a pop quiz a few days before, they will go towards my grade if I need them and the Teacher was also allowing us to miss two since he put what he called challenging problems on it. So I had a good buffer. I had a lot of time between classes since I finished my test way before the normal end of class. I was able to relax and go through the speech mentally a few times. I went first and did very well , no ums, or ers and I did not fidget at all. No turning red and my voice only quavered once and I was the only one who noticed, I did stumble on Maryland again (do not know why that word decided not to leave my mouth without a fight) but recovered smoothly. My teacher was pleased and the class critic went well with only a mention of me being a bit too dramatic with flipping my hair after looking down at the cards (my inner drama queen, who knew. Actually, I really need a haircut so that will take care of that next time). My teacher's only critic was that I clomped my shoes twice *shrugs* as I was moving around. So long story short I had an excellent day when I thought I was going to have an anxiety filled emotional rollercoaster of one.

I grinned all through work and no matter what happened I just laughed, my coworkers where worried. They have seen me come in to work in one of these exceptionally jovial moods only to have in crash and burn in flames 5 seconds after dealing with some new (or in most cases not so new) idioctic policies, job issues, coworker F*ckups, etc... but this did not happen, oh and it tried, but I still persevered and grinned like the idiot I am. All day as I waited for the other shoe to drop, when it didn't, I thought for sure it would on Friday.

Friday came and went and was not bizarrely good or bad, weird but normal on the mood-o-meter.

Enter today, Saturday, the shoe dropped and it brought some little friends from Imelda Markos's closet. For every one minute that passed in my twelve hour day, it felt like five. We ran well but had to work for every book like dogs. The pressroom has out done it's normal job of sending us stock so ugly we cringe looking at it. They managed to send us stock that brought tears to the eyes of all that beheld it, even the hoist drivers felt sympathy for us as they delivered up skids that looked like they had the paper chewed up and spat out in random order.

It was so horrible that we were laughing and making up stock shanties, to help us get through relieving for breaks. It was so bad that even losing one member of the crew made the rest feel like they had to run a mile to make up the difference, even when it was only for ten minutes. Small skids, reorders galore (they have to get sorted and marked in proper mail sortation, then placed back on the proper skids). Paper all over the floor, as it (or more likely only part of it since the laps were so uneven) dropped off the gathering chain. Oh the carnage.

The point I was trying to make with all of this is that I should know better then to have a blissfully happy day because there will have to be a gawd awful, ugly as sin, makes-me-want-to-weep day to balance it out. I prefer to have my normal to mild mood swings over the big sunami like waves anytime. Well I am going to go and patch up my blisters on both of my feet and then fall into a well earned deep coma

The Things I get myeself Into Before I finish My Coffee

2006-09-01T12:36:00.001-04:00

I do not know how I came to have a blog.
I did not ever think about having a blog.
I did not wake up this morning and say to myself "hey let's blog today".

These things just never crossed the arid little space of my mind. Yet, here I am with my own blog. I just wanted to check my gmail (I am addicted to few boards that I receive via gmail, but that is a story for another time) there was a post from Richelle Mead. She wrote that she was running a contest through her blog and the prize would be a book. So naturally I could not resist this, I mean it is a book, a free book.

As you may not be able to tell, I am a bibliophile, bibliophage, you choose the word but it means the same. I am an addict and my addiction of choice is books. So anyhow, I went to Richelle's blog and I posted my guess for the amount of words she would be able to write (for her next book) on her 48 hour (each way) train ride to the backwaters of Michigan and ended up with a blog of my own. All before I had even finished my first cup of coffee, *sigh* I know better than to post anything before finishing this all important start of my day but, alas, I am never able to stop myself.

Bad self, bad, bad self.

Well I promise to take care of my new found blog, I will love it, I will feed it, I will hug it and squeeze it, I may even call it George. I will try and keep a schedule of updating, I am just not sure how often yet, I will aim for once a week. That sounds good, right? Hell, this may help me improve my writing skills, maybe even my spelling (don't hold you breathe on that ... but maybe). Well I need to go now, my cup of coffee is sitting in front of me threatening to go cold and get all funky on me (they are never the same if you have to microwave them) so until next time, have a wonderful day.

Oh hey one more thing maybe I will post the current books I am reading, though now that I am in school and thinking takes up much of my energy (it is hard) the books may not change as often as they used to (much to my bank accounts joy) but anyhow I am currently reading "When Darkness Falls" by Mercedes Lackey and James Mallory. It is the last book in their Obsidian Trilogy. I have not been able to get far, but that is not for the quality of writing but from my serious lack of time, It seems to be the best of the three so far, I am savoring page by page. If you have not read this Trilogy I suggest checking it out. The first book is "The Outstretched Shadow" and the second is "To Light a Candle". Both are now out in paperback form, "When Darkness Falls" is hardback. Enjoy